Crazy, Calvary Love

so i read two books in the past 3 days. one of which was uber short...but it made me realize how unloving i really am. i need to LOVE more and really love. i need to love like Jesus loved...it was "If" by Amy Carmichael (who ps. must have been the most loving, kind, and godly woman. i would love to become part of the woman she was, i can't image her raising her voice but only loving--kind of like mrs dugger.) but in the book it listed many if's.....if i do this/act like this/think like this then i must not know of Calvary's Love. and many things i was like OUCH! when i read it. i would think "ah, i do that....unfortunately". I stared many of the ones i felt like i should work on and come back and look at...here's a good one...

IF

I myself dominate myself,

if my thoughts revolve around myself,

if i am so occupied with myself i rarely have "a heart at leisure from itself,"

then I know nothing of Calvary love.

-Amy Carmichael

Then last night i stated Crazy Love, and finished it tonight. i did enjoy the book...i would bet i finished it faster than mr. chan would have liked, but that's what i do sometimes. it was a great reminder of some of the things i know but often times forget. it was good fuel for my fire and reminder of my passion. sometimes i catch myself thinking how good and nobel and God fearing i surely am, but really i suck at it. there's so much more i could do to honor my King and share love with others. It's good for me to be put back in my place....

"O God, I have tasted They goodness, and it has both satisfied me and made me thirsty for more. I am painfully conscious of my need for further grace. I am ashamed of my lack of desire. O God, the Triune God, I want to want Thee; I long to be filled with longing; I thirst to be made more thirsty still. Show me Thy glory, I pray Thee, so that I may know Thee indeed. Begin in mercy a new work of love within me. Say to my soul, 'Rise up my love, my fair one, and come away.' Then give me grace to rise and follow Thee up from this misty lowland where I have wandered so long."

-A.W. Tozer

joyeuex noel

well it's christmas break. i've been home for just over a week of my 3 and a half break from classes. it feels like longer though. it was quite the eventful week!
1.)had to deal with stuff identify theft from this summer...again.
2.)my dog got it's rabies shot...and had an allergic reaction, vomiting included, and so had to be taken back to the vet for more shots
3.)i rear-ended a car for my first accident ever
4.)some personal drama
5.)melt down while trying to organize my sister and i's room and being frustrated with it all

and THAT was all within the first half of the week...

but christmas 2009 has come and gone. and it was quite nice. i unfortunately haven't gotten much reading, jewelry making, or scrapbooking done :( i'll just have to fit that in the semester, somehow. thanks to christmas though my music collection has be added to. gotta love new music. except i have to get a new ipod soon...mines full!! it's only 30g..... i started looking into refurbished ones at least.

i did get to go watch my brother wrestle for the first time! and he won! yippie! and my goal was that he would know when i was cheering for him...and it was a success. only because i was using his whole name, and he's knows i'm the only one who calls him that.

i have also played too many games of Bubble Shooter to mention...i should be cut off. but it's so easy to just play while you're doing other thing...addicting that is!!

soon i will be ATL bound and headed to Passion 2010!! heck yes!! i'm pretty excited about that...i really wanted to go this summer when i found out that they were having another one and then things sort of fell through and i didn't think it was going to happen...but then i found some people to go with and decided to go about a month ago! and i'm so looking forward to it...i don't know what to expect completely but i think God is going to do big things. and i'm excited to be with two of my girls of course :)

Proverbs 4:23

"Watch over your heart with all diligence,

For from it flow the springs of life."

it's time for a break...

so i'm home for thanksgiving break...this is the only time i've been home since the semester started, it feels a little weird. i'm trying really hard to make myself just rest and not get into too much, i didn't really do much today, and i could tell my body was trying to really just rest up. i did however get a new cell phone today! yippie! my old one wouldn't charge any more so i hadn't had a working once since thursday. i got an alcatel one touch tribe phone, it's fun so far! it almost makes me wish i used my phone more often! i hardly ever have any use for it...but i can do fun things with this one that i couldn't do before. also i had a fun photobooth session today. but i miss my lexington, i think i've officially made the switch of where home really is, what a weird reality.

42 hours

so i pulled my first all nighter, ever. once in high school i stayed up all night at a sleep over and i think i took a short nap that day but other than that i've never been able to stay up for over one day. it was kind of weird, but it was fine and totally worth it. half the time i would think "i can't believe i didn't go to bed last night?!" but it's safe to say i don't really plan on doing it any time soon, i could only do it because i really loved what i was able to do.

this past friday David Crowder*Band gave a concert at my church in lexington! it was pretty awesome and my campus ministry put it on! it's the firs time i had ever seen then in concert and it just made me love them even more. they were so fantastic! and they were fun guys too, i successfully convinced some of the crew guys to eat brussels sprouts and parsnips! i'm such an old lady! it's like i was their mom or something ;) they played with Seabird {representing the NKY, and also Independence!} and Danyew! so basically if you ever get a chance to see them, you should, it'll blow you away. and i may go see Seabird again in december in either Newport or Lexington!

so i read a quote a few weeks ago and it's stuck with me every since...sometimes i think we make God who we want Him to be, but we need to realized who He truley is, whether that's the way we wish he was or not.

"christianity is about acceptance, and if God accepts me as i am, then i had better do the same."

-Hugh Montefiore

and God is accepting of who we are, but He wishes to transform us, we just have to let Him. He doesn't wish to leave us that way because of how great He loves us, because knows we can have a better life His way.

that's all i've got, i'll leave with a few random photobooth pics :)

it's time to take a stand.

from The Hole in Our Gospel by Richard Stearns

“There is so much at stake. The world we live in is under siege—three billion are desperately poor, one billion hungry, millions are trafficked in human slavery, ten million children die needlessly each year, wars and conflict are wreaking havoc, pandemic diseases are spreading, ethnic hatred is flaming, and terrorism is growing. Most of our brothers and sisters in Christ in the developing world live in grinding poverty. And in the midst of this stands the church of Jesus Christ in America, with resources, knowledge, and tools unequaled in the history of Christendom. I believe that we stand on the brink of a defining moment. We have a choice to make. When historians look back in one hundred years, what will they write about the nation with 340,000 churches? What will they say of the Church’s response to the greatest challenges of our time—AIDS, poverty, hunger, terrorism, and war? Will they say that these authentic Christians rose up courageously and responded to the tide of human suffering, that they rushed to the front lines to comfort the afflicted and to douse the flames of hatred? Will they write of an unprecedented outpouring of generosity to meet the urgent needs of the world’s poor? Will they speak of the moral leadership and compelling vision of our leaders? Will they write that this, the beginning of the 21^st century, was the Church’s finest hour? Or will they look back and see a church too comfortable, insulated from the pain of the rest of the world, empty of compassion, and devoid of deeds? Will they write about the people who stood by and watched while a hundred million people died of AIDS and fifty million children were orphaned, of Christians who lived in luxury and self-indulgence while millions died for lack of food and water? Will schoolchildren read in disgust about a Church that had the wealth to build great sanctuaries but lacked the will to build schools, hospitals, and clinics? In short, will we be remembered as the Church with a gaping hole in our gospel? More is at risk than the lives of the poor and orphaned. The heart and soul of the Church of Jesus Christ, the very integrity of our faith and our relevance in the world, hang in the balance.”

for the least of these....

so this past week at southland we were able to take part in packaging meals for starving people in 3rd world countries--it was awesome! we partnered with a group call Feed My Starving Children. they developed this packaged meal with vegetarian chicken flavoring with added vitamins and minerals (kinda like a supped up ramon noodle packet!), dehydrated veggies, soy protein, and rice. the meal is literally made to provided the nutritional needs for people who are truly starving. one package contains enough food to feed 6 people for a day, since their stomachs are so small they don't need very much but it also contains all the nutritional content they need for the day, it's just not filler! each meal cots 17 cents and our goal was to fill over a million meals, and we did! apparently we beat any records FMSC had had in the past, which is awesome. we ended up filling 1,056,024 meals! and what i thought was really cool is throughout the week when we got a truck load filled they went ahead and just sent that out to make it way to people in need. FMSC partners with other ministries and missionaries to help meet their needs for feeding the people they minister to. they told us this story once that a missionary who used their food told them; this family got a box of food, which would probably be enough food to feed them for a month or so and the family sat there and opened every bag and fingered through it and sat it aside. and the missionary was just confused, so he asked why so they told him it was because they had never gotten a donation of rice that didn't have rocks in it as well. that's just awful. i was so thankful to be able to give up a few hours of my time and some cash to help package and provide meals for those less fortunate than myself. i couldn't even image what it would be like to not be able to eat, even when i don't have much food it's so much more.

*Update...here are all the totals....

1,056,024 meals were packed
4,889 boxes
4,995 volunteers over the course of 1 week
2,893 Kids will eat for a YEAR

long time...

it's been a long time since i've updated this...and this isn't even a real update...

but i've been thinking...and i think i need to do some video updates! how fun.

also i want to dabble in some writing more...but idk how to make myself actually write. i feel inspired but idk how to grab ahold of it all--we'll see. my computer is about to die and i'm stuck on campus for over an hour more before my LAST (finally) class of the day starts...and i'm stuck without a book, or bible. i do though have a notebook...so maybe, just maybe i can brain storm.

but what i really had to update about was the fact that i've been listening to Brandon Heath nonstop lately and i found this one song, from his independent album aka not on itunes, and i'm in love.

Ready For Romance

Brandon Heath

I used to think that love was just a sentiment for people with a lot of emotion
Right up until I turned twenty three
I've been thinking about these people buying tickets
Just to see their honey across the ocean
When I could just stay right here for free

A combination of alone and alive just came right over me
And this picture of you came into view
And you set the wild heart free

I showed my independence to the door
Took off my shoes and slid across the floor
And then I watched When Harry Met Sally once more
I'm lost without you
I never stood chance
I'm tired of freedom
I'm ready for romance

I'm skipping all that pre-relation preparation
Take it one step at a heart ache
Just give me some room and let her fly
I'll search every little town up and down the heartlands full of prosperity
Without any rest till she's next to me

A combination of alone and alive just came right over me
And this picture of you came into view
And you set this wild heart free

Let's show our independence to the door
Took off our shoes and slide across the floor
And we can watch When Harry Met Sally once more
I'm lost without you
I never stood chance
I'm tired of freedom
I'm ready for romance
© 2004 Brandon Heath

and while i'm at it i must make a confession...because of this song i went to target and bought When Harry Met Sally on dvd for $5 because i had never seen it, and i know it's suppose to be a classic and i just had to. it was enjoyable...unfortunately it is not an example of pure or christian love but still had cuteness too it. one of the best things about it though were the interviews with the other couples that randomly came on screen. good stuff.

turn around.

i have officially made it to the one year mark with My Utmost For His Highest. yesterday was the first day where i saw my own note taking in the book...not 100% sure if that was the first day i started but it must have been around there at least.

on today i really liked the part that i had marked a year ago...

God does not ask us to do the things that are easy to us naturally; He only asks us to do the things we are perfectly fitted to do by His grace, and the cross will come along that line always.

how stinkin' awesome is that!!

i'm pretty excited to start seeing my own markings from last year, and i hope i can put more in them--maybe some more personal notes--for next year :)

encouraged.

tonight i went to TBS which is a thing we do at my campus ministry now on tuesday nights. it's sort of an in-depth bible study...this semester we're doing the 10 bible stories every christian should know...basically taking the whole bible and and plotting out 10 major points along the way which do a good outline of the whole story of how God has worked and the salvation that Jesus brings. well tonight we talked about The Fall and studied Genesis 3 hard core. one of the things we got to talking about is how yes, Eve took the first bite but she also gave it to the man who was with her. so basically, and no it's not all the guys fault, but he didn't do anything to stop it. and i know i've seen it in my life, and in my friends lives were this has happened. {the man and the woman both sinned, and it wasn't ones fault more than the other but the man didn't do anything to stop it} as one of my dear friends puts this lack of being a real man, "an epic fail of testosterone". so after we get on this subject one of the leaders basically told every man in the room to MAN UP, to be this great man of God, and spiritual leader that my girlfriends and i pray is out there and honestly a lot of the time we feel hopeless about it. he suggested a book call The Silence of Adam by Larry Crabb, and in this book it talks about how Adam was silent and how so many christian guys today are also "silent". i think that whole pep-talk might have been my favorite part of tonight. i honestly wanted to stand up and give him a round of applause, and my friend felt the same. so this left me with some encouragement...that there ARE men out there who aren't "epic fails of testosterone" and there are also men willing to be bold and encourage others to do so. so AMEN to them!! and if that call to rise didn't make the other girls in the room swoon there must be something wrong with them. ;) it gave me hope at least.

i'm chasing down horizon, in hopes of being danced with too

last night at church we were on our third week of our series on revelation...it's really neat cause my bible study this semester also decided to do revelation {before we even knew my church was going to, and the majority of us there go to southland as well}. we talked mostly about music last night...we read through ch's 4 & 5 and took them verse by verse {also neat because revelation was originally intended to be read aloud in worship services}. the major take away was to never stop worshiping out God, and specifically the connection between worship and song, God and song, and us and song. music gets into us...there is no other median which can express our feelings like music does, it comforts us, helps us mourn, can say the things we can't express, and can just give us a time to be free. my favorite artist would have to be Matt Wertz. hands down. i love that he is a Christian and it's reflected in his music but it's not "christian" music. i think he sings from his heart, definitely...and i feel like i can relate to so many songs of his in different ways. i also have to admit that part of what i like about him is that he's not a main stream artist {not that i wouldn't love to see him hit it big time}, but i feel like it makes him more relational, more like a real person. i love that i could go and see him in a small venue and that i get to introduce people to him and his music.

just breathe

my week started off with me feeling the weight of stress and more stress. that's not how i like it. i should feel refreshed and at ease. ok, so maybe that's pushing it a little. but none-the-less i was feeling pushed in every which way, i wasn't sure if i was taking on too much or how i was going to get anything done, ever. i went to work and class on monday and seriously considered skipping my synergy team meeting...i didn't make up my mind till the last second and just went and i was glad i did. even though it took up more of the little time i do have it made everything seem better. it helped me realize that i do this because i LOVE THIS. i mean it's really as simple as that. i may get uber tired and worn around the edges and i might not get all the reading i'd like to for class done but i get there. i think it's important to realize how much i love what i do and what i put value in fitting into my day. it's not just another thing to fill up the hours, it's love. my love. God's love. God's plan for me.

so i turned 23

on thursday i turned 23. i mean i didn't feel that different, and my birthday wasn't really much different than any other day...i did get to sleep in!! :) but other than that it was just like every other day...i went to class ALL day long and then i wen to synergy that night. i did however do something funny. like i said i got to sleep in so i had plenty of time to get ready in the morning...i even left the house WAY before i really needed to get to get to campus and park and all that jazz...well i started to walk to class and it hit to me...i don't remember putting make-up on today! which OK...isn't that big of a tragedy...but it was my birthday and i wanted to look good--i'm not even gonna lie about it. what bothered me most really wasn't the fact that i didn't have any make-up...it was the fact that i just simply FORGOT to put it on when i meant to...so of course it bothered me for most the day. when i realized it i even thought about going back to my car and driving home...but that was silly, i wouldn't have been back in time to make it to class and there's no way i'm missing class for something a trivial as that. but i was happy to get to synergy and welcome the weekend--and it doesn't hurt to get to see lots of friends! lucky for me i called katie and kellie and they saved me...they brought some of their make-up to synergy so i could fix my problem! i mean i even remembered to bring my body spray and hair spray...i can't help it, after being on campus all day i like to do a little touch up before synergy! and synergy was good...we had a good guest speaker and katie acted as my "wing-woman" and told everyone it was my birthday, so i didn't have to be "that girl" but i still got lots of happy birthdays...which lets face it everyone wants to get a bunch on their birthday!

but today is really when i got to celebrate being OLD! unfortunately i had to go to NKY for a little while and see my doc...so it was a busy day to say that least. but my fantastic sister erin was so good, i would text her things to do and she'd help me out...i didn't get back until about 4 and then it was time to get cooking!! i had roomies {past and present} over for dinner. i made most of the stuff up but i did find this one recipe...it was yummy! it was fun just to sit around and enjoy a meal together, get dressed up, and laugh...a lot! plus i enjoy cooking a lot, and who really wants to pull out all the stops everyday? not me. and it was nice to be able to do it and have a reason. i'm so glad they all came.

now...i'm so very tired. i've got a big day ahead of me. i should sleep...but unfortunately i want to get up and go to the farmers market before i make make cookies and then go to the gorge! so basically i'm going to be waking up early...and not sleeping in, which is what one should always do on the weekends!

farmers market

i went to the lexington farmers market for the first time this semester on saturday. it was lovely. i made erin go with me and we also brought optimus along...lots of people even told us how cute he is {take that whitney!!}. erin and i got breakfast there too...it was lovely sitting on a curb and eating a homemade garlic bagel with herb goat cream cheese. yumo! another great find as the farmers market is fresh flowers. you can get beautiful flowers there for cheap. this one lady had a ton of different flowers and any two stems were $2. i bought three little lilies to go in my bedroom...they're beautiful. ok, so i might have lied. i did go to the farmers market once before this semester but i went on a thursday morning for class and it doesn't really count. but my ta did point out this guy that apparently has the be heirloom tomatoes in the area...so on saturday i found his booth and got some. i got a little basket full of baby ones in all different colors and i just made a little pizza with them...it very colorful and these tomatoes are delicious!

ps if any guys would like to know a really awesome way to give a girl flowers here's one...go to the farmers market, or pick your own flowers, whatever is in season. get all the same or mix it up--doesn't matter. then instead of a vase or tissue paper to wrap it up in just get an old news paper and wrap the flowers in that to make a bouquet. it'll look cute and not generic.

on a night like this.

i'm not gonna lie. last night was a pretty monumental night in my life. i got to met and take pictures with two of my favorite artists! dave barnes and jon mclaughlin...the only thing that is missing that i have yet to met matt wertz.
they were playing at a church about an hour from us. it wasn't even advertised online or anything and you had to buy tickets in person, so we just decided to drive and go. they both played for a long time, which was awesome. we were really tired though by the end...and unfortunately we may have looked it as well. we saw a good number of people we knew from csf there, so that was fun.

i'm so pumped to go to 608 tomorrow night...i haven't been able to go to it since i've been back in lexington. it'll be great :)

gotta go grab something to eat and then head over to katie and kellie's!

ps.

ps have you seen these cuties online?? ;)

so for class today we started off at the farmers market, which is neat except for the fact that we really didn't do anything. we got there, someone told us a little about the market for like 5 min and then we were suppose to walk around. but i go to the farmers market a lot and today it was far from the glory that is the saturday morning farmers market. there were only a few vendors out too. and that was it...so then i had to drive back to campus and since it was later in the day i got an awful parking spot and then walk back to the lab for that same class...i was sweaty and gross and a few mins late...but it didn't really matter at least. for class today we all practiced sauteing veggies and flipping them in the pan. piece of cake. then chef bob made chicken with four different herbs. and then we ate lunch and cleaned up.

also i got my father something for christmas, i think he'll really like it. i saw it at the book store and it was perfect so i went ahead and just got it. lets hope i don't forget about it!

i can't wait till synergy tonight. it's so great just to go and relax, plus is the end of my week. i literally go right from class to synergy and i'm done for the week! it's a great feeling, and then i get to see everyone and get hugs. hugs just make everything better :)

i'm so looking forward to a 4 day weekend. how grand. at first i was wondering what i would even find to do...but i think i'll have plenty :)

also today i had a pumpkin spice latte...yumo. i still have my coffee buzz. great stuff...esp since i forgot to get coffee this morning!

i'm gonna break down and buy a macbook i think. i don't want to make a rash move but i think it's gonna happen. part of me wants to order it today.

community.

there's something about community that you just need. it's something that my church and campus ministry both push and i believe it's rightfully so. i miss my community here in lexington so much when ever i'm home for an extended period of time. my church community in lex is pretty much the reason i'm so attached to lexington i believe and the reason i have stayed as long as i have. growing up i always only ever wanted to go to UK. basically it was there or no where in my mind, i didn't even apply for anywhere else. my dad used to joke and say "you can go to any college you want but i'm only paying for one." there were several times when it wasn't easy for me to be in lexington, different reasons. i don't know if they would have ever been bad enough for me to leave lex but i know my community stuck me here with cement. something i've noticed with my campus ministry is that pretty much every year it seemed that after people graduated they left but when i've noticed--in my class and even some in the year before me --is that people aren't so keen to leave right away anymore. which must say something about our community, doesn't everybody want to be a part of something bigger than themselves and something that people don't want to leave? i know i do. it's neat to see that. i love that everyone seems to be sticking around, and a lot of those who haven't didn't leave cause they wanted to and are trying to work their way back...which says so much about our community. there must be something going on there. i don't want to leave it either.


on a side note i really love the new colbie caillat song "fallin' for you" ,that's the music video, which is kinda funny. it's just such a cute song and i think it's funny that she's on a date with a real dork int he video, poser thug really isn't my type but i think i may have a bit of a weakness for a little dork.

fall, please come swiftly.

it's the first of september, and that means fall is near. ah to breath in the smell of fallen leaves and wrap yourself up in a comfy sweater. fall is by far my favorite season...with so much to love how could you not love it?

my favorite things about fall...
1.)it's birthday season in my family
2.)pumpkins, or how i like to say it "punkin"
3.)fall leaves
4.)fall decor {dorky i know}
5.)apple season
6.)football, even though i don't really watch it intensely i enjoy the spirit it brings and tailgating
7.)going to the punkin patch/apple orchard
8.)carving punkins
9.)eating punkin goodies
10.)saturday morning trips to the farmers market
12.)harvest time
13.)thanksgiving
14.)fall {and christmas} coffee creamer flavors come out
15.)k-week
16.)camping out to get madness tickets
17.)making chili and soups
18.)winter squash
19.)fall retreat
20.)the way the fall air smells and fells

also the offical csf video came out for the water balloon fight, it's pretty sweet.



also today's my utmost is pretty solid...

"We must continually remind ourselves of the purpose of life. We are not destined to happiness, nor to health, but to holiness. Today we have far too many desires and interests, and our lives are being consumed and wasted by them. Many of them may be right, noble, and good, and may later be fulfilled, but in the meantime God must cause their importance to us to decrease. The only thing that truly matters is whether a person will accept the God who will make him holy. At all costs, a person must have the right relationship with God."
-Oswald Chambers

season of waiting.

sometimes it's hard to view singleness as being sacred when you're in the "waiting" season but i find peace in God's word...this is one of my favorite passages from the message translation...

"That is why waiting does not diminish us, any more than waiting diminishes a pregnant mother. We are enlarged in the waiting. We, of course, don't see what is enlarging us. But the longer we wait, the larger we become, and the more joyful our expectancy.

Meanwhile, the moment we get tired in the waiting, God's Spirit is right alongside helping us along. If we don't know how or what to pray, it doesn't matter. He does our praying in and for us, making prayer out of our wordless sighs, our aching groans. He knows us far better than we know ourselves, knows our pregnant condition, and keeps us present before God. That's why we can be so sure that every detail in our lives of love for God is worked into something good."

~Romans 8:25-28

world's largest water balloon fight.

yep.
we did it.
i did my part and it was epic!

http://kykernel.com/2009/08/30/slideshow-uk-csf-2009-worlds-largest-water-balloon-fight/

119,441 water balloons + 3,902 people = 1 world record.

sittin'. waitin'. wishin'.

so i've been sitting at the same spot on campus for almost 3 hours. awesome....part of me wanted to walk across campus and take a nap on a couch in CSF's basement...but i didn't. I have a class from 8-9:15 that then has a lab that directly follows it till 1:45 but we obviously don't have lab yet, so here i sit. my next class is at two and i don't get done till 7:25 :(

this week has been so busy...but i've loved it. it's opening week at school so that means lots of stuff to do and lots to do with CSF especially since we're GOING to break the record for world's largest water ballon fight on friday!!! so it's safe to say that i've also filled a lot of water balloons in the past week. my hands pretty much constaintly smell like latex. you can see on my finger where i tie my balloons. and i've grown accustomed to just getting wet...sometimes you just drop the balloons while your tying...it happens and then water shoots up your nose--it's fine. i have also helped to coordinate the maddness of serving pancakes at midnight and having 500 people show up--that was awesome. the funnies thing that happened would have to be that night. we couldn't make pancakes inside because they were also having a video game turny and therefore need all of our power so we had to set generators up outside and flipp pancakes! and then we had to run them inside when they were ready! well at one point i was trying to get through the line for pancakes and inside. i then started telling everyone "hot pancakes! coming through!" and then some random guy goes..."that's not the only hot thing coming through." by the time it registered i was gone, but it left me with one heck of a funny story to tell. i went back to my pancake flippers and told them and then laughed histaricaly for a few minutes. that was classic.

but i'm pumped to break a world record! here's our video from last year...

my friends and i.

wanderer

we moved into our new townhouse in lexington...basically i love it. i'm so ready to go back. two more weeks.

i was suppose to work lunch and dinner today but i gave my dinner shift to someone so i could be home for the birthday celebration pig roast. there were lots of people here. including lots of people i didn't know. but i was good to have the night off. i have to work tomorrow dinner.

two weeks.

look at my garden grow.

today i went and weeded my small and very experimental garden...and i have produce!! woo i pulled up three purple top turnips...they're so cool and i can eat the tuber and the greens...yum. so i just triple washed the greens and they're drying now and i put the turnips in the fridge...i may cut the small one up in my salad for lunch and cook the other later...but they're so cool. and i have some beans that are coming along too!! just a couple that'll be ready to pick any day now. also i still need to either round up a pot or two or just go to the store so i can dig up two tomato plants so i can take them with me to lexington. nothing else looks ready yet though.

us.

this is the oldest picture i could find of just the four of us.



i miss my girls. and i miss lexington--but i guess i mostly miss what lexington means to me. i feel like harry potter when he has to spend his summers away from hogwarts {which feels like home to him} an live with the dursley's...although my family isn't quite that mean to mean! ;) gosh. i've been reading too much harry potter...5 books down two more to go! but there are so many things that i've been able to pick up on now in the books since i've been read reading them all right in a row.

my ideal garden.

so today for the second time this summer i went behind my house and cut some wild flowers to put in a glass in my room. it's quite lovely. every time i drive by wild flowers on the side of the road i have the urge to get out and pick them. when i was little and would go to my great aunts house sometimes i used to love going to her garden and cutting flowers--drying some, pressing some, and just putting some in a vase. it made me always want a garden of flowers to pick.

when i grow up i want a garden, it doesn't have to be perfectly manicured...in fact i think it'll suit me a lot more if there wasn't any particular order to it and it was untidy a bit. i definitely want a place where i can plant lots of vegetables and herbs of every kind. i also want every kind of fruit bush and tree that will grow there. i want there to be lots of flowers and different kinds and different times when they bloom...i don't want them landscaped in any sort of way because i want to be able to cut them and bring them inside anyhow so i'll just need lots everywhere...i want a pond with big goldfish and frogs...there should be lilly pads and flowers in the pond as well. it should be very whimsical with beautiful things everywhere, esp that have a homemade feel...steeping stones, windchims, bird and butterfuly feeders and homes. there should be a cute little table and chairs for having tea and some little nook where i can read, such as a swing bench or hammock of some sort. it should also have lots of lights of different sizes and maybe even a few colors...lots of twikle lights, at night i should feel like i've stepped into a fairy tale.

fred & george.

so i'm rereading all of the harry potter books straight through. something i've been wanting to do but haven't yet. i'm in the third book {which was always my favorite when i first started the books} and fred and george just crack me up...they're something else. here's a part early in the book when harry meets up with the weasleys before returning to hogwarts...

Percy, however, held out his hand solemnly as though he and Harry had never met and said, "Harry. How nice to see you."
"Hello, Percy," said Harry, trying not to laugh.
"I hope you're well?" said Percy pompously, shaking hands. It was rather like being introduced to the mayor.
"Very well, thanks --"
"Harry!" said Fred, elbowing Percy out of the way and bowing deeply. "Simply splendid to see you, old boy --"
"Marvelous," said George, pushing Fred aside and seizing Harry's hand in turn. "Absolutely spiffing."
Percy schowled.
"That's enough, now," and Mrs. Weasley.
"Mum!" said Fred as though he'd only just spotted her and seizing her hand too. "How really corking to see you --"

Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban by J.K. Rowling page 62

harry potter confessions.

i hereby confess that i feel in love with harry potter 9 years ago and these are the confessions that follow...

>i first read harry potter during the summer of 2000 right after the goblet of fire was released. my house had recently burnt down and my mom bought us the first four books from amazon, my sister had already read the first three from the library--she was the reader i wasn't.

>i used to bring the books with me to school {i was in the 8th grade} and read them while i was waiting for my mom to pick me up. we lived in an apartment in florance while our house was being rebuilt and my mom had to pick myself along with my brother and sister up from school...but since my brother and sister got out an hour after i did i would sometimes wait at school for the extra hour and then she's pick us up all together. i would sit outside and read harry potter. in high school a good friend of mine told me he thought i always looked like a character in a movie when i did that...we weren't really friends then.

>my friend and i used to read the harry potter over the phone to each other sometimes...and we did voices.

>i bought the harry potter text books when they came out, and of course the tales of beetle the bard

>i own two harry potter tee shirts and i crocheted my own gyriffindor house scarf

>when order of the phoenix came out i didn't buy it at midnight because i had to finish huck finn for school first, i made myself i promise i'd finish school stuff first. i ended up buying it the next day because i could help myself. i sat it next to me and just stared at it to encourage me to finish huck finn.

>for books 6 and 7 i went to kroger's casue i didn't want to face a huge crowd at a bookstore, there was still a good size crowb and a few people dressed up. it was awesome.

>my sister and i had a HHPP {happy harry potter party} for when the deathly hallows came out. we spent weeks getting ready. it was awesome, we turned the house into harry's world. looking forward to doing it again.

>i completely own at harry potter scene it?

>there was this guy on campus one year who i used to see a lot and i he totally looked like harry and i used to freak out everytime i saw him, and then there's this lady that comes to ovids that makes me think of umbridge.

>i've named pet fish after harry potter charaters

>i always wanted to have hedwig as a pet

>i bought a quill and some ink once just to be more like harry potter world

>i used to partake in harry potter messageboards and IM with people i didn't actually know about harry potter

>i made my own harry potter wedsite once

>i totally listen to harry and the potters

>when i was reading the last book i was crying, a lot, for every reason you could think of...my dad was really concerned

>if any of this makes me a huge nerd i'm completely OK with it

ok, ok, i need to pause.

so i've been in a sour mode the past two or three days. {could be womanly issues? or possible my new medicine} but i'd been hating the fact that it's summer and taking it for granted. that's needs to stop. i've been locking myself inside my bedroom and filling my time with who knows what. i've read a few books, and scrapbooked quite a few pictures {i'm almost to jr year of college!} but i've been missing out on SUMMER. i've been wishing it away...and i think i've been doing this all summer. i've been wishing it was august since the first week of may. so not healthy. so today i'm trying to figure out what i've been missing out on. i've been sitting out on the deck, reading God's word, drinking iced coffee and complaining to Him about how i feel. i'm mostly frustrated. cause i feel like i'm wasting my time away, and i'm not doing anything worth while. but what exactly would that be?? who the heck knows! cause i sure don't. but i need to stop filling like my life isn't truly starting. easier said than done. i need to stop wishing i was someplace else. there's a reason i'm here...in nky and not where i long to be...that is lexington. and i need to embrace it. i need to LIVE. live for Christ here on independence station road. there has to be some reason why my summer vacation has found me here, spending my lazy days in independence and others floating up and down the ohio river as a waitress and not hugging and playing with orphan children in india or africa. it's going to be a long and cold winter and i need to enjoy every minute of summer and lean on God and have him point me on my path.

skipping july.

i came to the realization the other day that i really am ready for august...yep already. normally i'm not really even ready to go back to school come time fore it, but i'm ready, i think. who knows...by next week i might change my mind...but yeah i'm just ready for this school year, or at least august. i feel like when i'm in nky it's like just pressing pause on my life, which is good, but not for 3 months. but yeah i just REALLY miss being in lex and synergy and 608 and everybody.

presently i am listening to oktomberfest in munich.
don't judge. i got it from the library, it's kinda entertaining.

so the song that i'm really obsessed with at the moment is brandon heath "wait and see"


so i have to work most of the weekend, not really exciting but it'll keep me busy and make the time go by! although i have to work from 10-8:30 on father's day...but maybe i'll stop by and see my daddy after work. and then next weekend i'm going to hopkinsville again and get to have friend time again! yay!

mansfield park

so i FINALLY finished reading mansfield park the other night...it's such a lovely story. i really admire fanny price, and of course who wouldn't love edmund?? i saw a movie of it once before i read it and i have to say i like book henry crawford better than i did the one from the movie i saw. and then after i finished reading the book i watched the 1999 adaptation of the book and i enjoyed the henry as well--of course until the end...it was a cute and enjoyable movie, but it was vastly different. but what i really related to was when fanny goes home only to realize that what she always thought of as "home" really wasn't anymore even though that's where her family was, home had become mansfield park. it's very much how my life is right now, home seems less and less like home and lexington feels more like home than home does. i mean it has to happen at some point, i'm not going to live with my parents forever and i'm going to have my own home at some point.

tiger lillie

i've come to the time in my life where my friends are starting to get married. it's kind of freaky weird. it sounds so grown-up. i doubt i'll ever truly "grow up" though. but as you can imanige marriage is something my self and my friends spend a fair share of time thinking about and talking about. when i was younger and didn't know Jesus i use to think about it in worldly terms and worldly love. how different have my views changed now that i've place God in the center of it all. one thing i try to figure out is what does a Godly romantic realationship look like? and what is God's best for marriage? i've read books, listened to sermons, looked into scripture, and prayed about the very subject--i mean i want to get it figured out before the day, sometime in the future, when i'll need to use the knowldge! i want it done right; even if it doesn't lead to marriage. but the world screams in the background of what it should be like. and what's even more important is what is my role, as a Godly women, in it all? the world tells up to be an "independent women", strong, and able to put on our big girl pants. sometimes i've seen girls stick up their noses when a guy comes and picks up our trash for us at some sort of function--but why? why do we, or i should say I, turn down a guys help to get something high while i'm struggling to balance while standing on a chair, or have my arms overloaded with some heavy stuff? i mean i can do this! i'm women hear me roar!! what are we trying to prove? that we don't long for a knight on a white horse to romance us and take care of us?? ha. who are we trying to kid? maybe ourselves. maybe the world is getting to us and telling us how we should be. but God knows best, and he's letting me in on the secret little by little.

i just finished a book and there was a part in it that captured my heart and it relates directly to this...the boyfriend figure in the book just got upset at his girlfriend because she let herself out of his car when he wanted to get her door for her, and he told her "not because you can't, but because you shouldn't have to." how perfect. my heart swells with the thought that there are Godly men out there like this, somewhere. i need to remind myself this when a guy offers his help, it's not that he doesn't think i can, but he just wants to treat me like a lady, a radiant lilly. he's treating me like the lady i long to be and i should let him. and i don't even really mean romanticly [even though my future husband should definately treat me like that!] but just in everyday relationships and God centered community.

psalm 139

so the passage for the devotions i do at night was psalm 139:1-17 and for this particular book i typically like to read whatever the scripture is out loud to my Lord and i just LOVED reading this psalm aloud to my God, so i would suggest this practice to anyone [ps i keep hearing so very sick sounding bull frogs from behind my house...they need to work on their vocal skills]. how great is God and i find this to be a very powerful means of worship. i didn't want to stop at verse 17 so i finished out the psalm...it is truly lovely, and beautiful.

Psalm 139 (New American Standard Bible)

God's Omnipresence and Omniscience.

For the choir director. A Psalm of David.

¹O LORD, You have searched me and known me.
²You know when I sit down and when I rise up;
You understand my thought from afar.
³You scrutinize my path and my lying down,
And are intimately acquainted with all my ways.
⁴Even before there is a word on my tongue,
Behold, O LORD, You know it all.
⁵You have enclosed me behind and before,
And ⁾laid Your hand upon me.
⁶Such knowledge is too wonderful for me;
It is too high, I cannot attain to it.
⁷ Where can I go from Your Spirit?
Or where can I flee from Your presence?
⁸ If I ascend to heaven, You are there;
If I make my bed in Sheol, behold, You are there.
⁹If I take the wings of the dawn,
If I dwell in the remotest part of the sea,
¹⁰Even there Your hand will lead me,
And Your right hand will lay hold of me.
¹¹If I say, "Surely the darkness will overwhelm me,
And the light around me will be night,"
¹²Even the darkness is not dark to You,
And the night is as bright as the day
Darkness and light are alike to You.
¹³For You formed my inward parts;
You wove me in my mother's womb.
¹⁴I will give thanks to You, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made;
Wonderful are Your works,
And my soul knows it very well.
¹⁵My frame was not hidden from You,
When I was made in secret,
And skillfully wrought in the depths of the earth;
¹⁶Your eyes have seen my unformed substance;
And in Your book were all written
The days that were ordained for me,
When as yet there was not one of them.
¹⁷How precious also are Your thoughts to me, O God!
How vast is the sum of them!
¹⁸If I should count them, they would outnumber the sand
When I awake, I am still with You.
¹⁹O that You would slay the wicked, O God;
Depart from me, therefore, men of bloodshed.
²⁰For they speak against You wickedly,
And Your enemies take Your name in vain.
²¹Do I not hate those who hate You, O LORD?
And do I not loathe those who rise up against You?
²²I hate them with the utmost hatred;
They have become my enemies.
²³Search me, O God, and know my heart;
Try me and know my anxious thoughts;
²⁴And see if there be any hurtful way in me,
And lead me in the everlasting way.

miracle

very rarely does a book have the have the power to change you. the bible would have to be the book which is most life changing because it's the word of God and HE is life changing. there are also other christian books that have made an impact on my life and changed it, mostly because they kicked my arse and challenged me in my faith. but Animal, Vegetable, Miracle definitely changed my life...or i should say my future life. it really made me think about food differently, and since cookery is one of my passions i tend to think about food a lot. but there's SO much we don't know about the food system of america...yet food is pretty much the most important thing we buy but we don't even think about it. america--and myself--have a lot to learn. we don't think twice when we go to the grocery store, we just look for the lowest price. what's up with that?? i feel like most people worry more about what they put into their cars than their OWN body! how sick is that. and what's also sick is how the animals are raised for meat in this country. we were made to eat meat but most don't do it wisely. as a whole we as americans eat more meat protein than is really necessary for our nutrition and WAY more red meat than we should. did you realize that turkey's don't even know HOW to have turkey sex and if they wanted to most are breed to get so fat so fast they couldn't even do it. they are mostly all test tube babies! and they aren't even feed their natural diet nor do most see sunlight. so here's to my new quest...supporting free range animals! animals that get to enjoy the wind and the sun on their face. cows that get to graze on grass for their life time and walk around. let's work on taking back food culture and our relationship with the food on our kitchen table!! support your local farmers market and grow your own garden. i'm attempting to grow some of my own veggies this summer...it's exciting and i'm going to learn how to can as well. once i get my hands on a pressure cooker and my dad's grapes ripen i was be experimenting with grape jelly! [a note to my roomates...cans of homemade tomato sauce anyone?? or what about pickles?? :) ]and i LONG for the days when i'll have more of a permanent home where i can grow a more permanent garden and even get a few chickens, fresh eggs--yay!! so my challenge to you, learn about the food you eat and figure or simple ways that you can change the direction of our twisted food industry because it should be a miracle. when i started my seedlings i would sometime just sit and think and look at them...what an amazing thing...they started with just a little seed and grew before my eyes and will one day nourish my body. it's pretty amazing to be honest.

diligence

the other night while doing devotional i was reading in proverbs 4 [which i also happened to be reading in my brand new zondervan nsab study bible, which rocks, i'm really looking forward to breaking it in more!] but verse 23 really hit a note with me.

Watch over your heart with all diligence,
For from it flow the springs of life.

one thing that i've been thinking about lately is just keeping myself emotionaly pure. it seems to me that there is more to purity than just the physical sexual stuff, and there's more to it than just romantic relationships. but what i haven't quite put my finger on is what it entails completely or how to go about it. i think part of it must go back to keeping some things just between God and myself...and there's a level of humility about it i think. oh humility. my earthy flesh fights back at it all the time. i wanna be the girl that doesn't care if people know about her work or even just my dreams and ambitions and goals...or even how great my relationshiop with God is. one place where i strugle is definately with my siblings. growing up as the oldest i always had to be the best, the smartest, the one in charge, and the one giving out all the orders. and now it's to the point where our age differences don't really matter anymore but part of me still wants to be "well i'm the oldest!" but i guess i just need Jesus' help to fight back.

well that was a tangent i hadn't planned. it's the first wednesday of my summer break and i'm starting to get to the point where i'm like "ok, what now?" i have successfully cleaned and organized my room [minus a few little projects for a later date] and i even have gotten a job squared away, i have orientation tomorrow! yay! what an answered prayer. i've been thinking about getting started on my scrap booking sometime soon...dun dun dunnnn. i really wanna use my mom's dinning room table and just leave stuff spread out. i don't think she'll go for it :( my mother did do something really nice for me, something that even makes it seems like she might know a little bit about me. she heard this band on xm radio and liked a song and found out they're christians so she sent me the cd on itunes as a gift. they're called NeedToBreathe and i hadn't really heard of them but they are good...and actually one of the songs on the cd i remember hearing someone sing at church once and then i've heard it again on some christian radio station...it's pretty good.

goals for this summer:

1.) read at least 8-10 pages in my bible everyday so i will therefore have read through the old testiment by well before i go back to school
2.) i have these audio files from Eric Ludy discipleship program thingy and i wanna do this and make a binder for all my notes on them
3.) catch up on all my scrapbooking. eck!
4.) read like there's no tomorrow
5.) watch less tv
6.) help my dad save money...my dad eats out too much i've decided so i also decided he would save TONS of money if he didn't and it would be healthier so i wanna find recipes and make up shopping lists for him so when we are over there we can just eat in instead
7.) go to every festival i can
8.) go to a church in nky regularly
9.) become a prayer warrior
10.) workout??
11.) keep my room clean :-/
12.) sit outside, under the stars with God
13.) keep this list going...

I flew in on a whim

so the school year has come to a close and it's a weird feeling...it's different than years past. right now i'm in a good place and i don't wanna lose it. the other week katie said that we should all keep blogs this summer to keep in touch...so this is my attempt to keep up with my blog this summer, my blog shows a very good reflection of how the school year got more and more busy as it went on! but now summer is upon me and i don't have to wake up for anything in the morning...glorious.

so this is how you get noticed at a bar.

katie decided it would be a good idea "to go salsa dancing" the other night. some band that she salsa[ed] to one time was playing somewhere and that would be our end of the semester outing. well this was decided some time ago and i'm pretty sure she convinced whit to wear this fun dress that she had just gotten, so as the day comes it turns out whit had moved all of her clothes home except for that dress and one t-shirt outfit, cause we were going to all wear fun dresses. well it comes time for the night and katie and kel are not wearing dresses while myself and whit are. so we show up to this little hole and the wall bar--which we almost reconsidered upon seeing the place--and proceed to go in. the only free seats happened to be behind the pool table on a bench. we sat in a row and took in our surroundings--what a mixture of people! there was about a 70 some year old man walking around, a middle aged women with a backless shirt and no bra, there were a few other college kids, a few very drunk people, and a crazy guy so really loved playing pool and almost gave us all black eyes with his pool stick. the one this we did notice was that everyone would whisper, look at us, and whisper again, we even got a few points. at one point someone even approached up and asked us what were doing there because they believe we were obviously not even old enough to get in. ha! so that's what they all thought, that and that fact that we were all not drinking anything. typically underage people people sneak into bars with fake ids and don't drink?? so the moral of the story is that you think that the ladies that get noticed at the bars are the ones barely dressed sipping on a beer but guess again apprently all you have to do is not look your age and sit on a bench with your girlfriends and not drink. who would have thought we'd attract that much attention--i guess it helps that my friends are all babes. ;)

in more recent news...

i've been organizing my room since i've moved back hom for the summer, i've taken a lot more stuff home this year than in the past since i'm not living in waller next year, i was able to leave a lot of stuff there but there was a lot that i also wanted to bring back to nky and not bring back. so it's safe to say it's going to take hours, upon hours, upon hours. i want to try and get rid of a bunch and try to make the most of the space i have available. unfortunately i found a box in the closest that been there a while, why i hadn't already gotten rid of it? who knows. there's not point really, it would do absolutely no good. i set it on my bed so i would throw it away but unfortunately again before i got the chance to it feel off and it's contents scattered across the floor--but non of it held any hold over me anymore, i didn't even want a good bye look. i promptly scooped it all up into a trash bag and headed to the garage can; unfortunately there was no fire to be found or that would certainly have worked even better. [taylor swift anyone??] but it was still freeing, i had pretty much forgotten about the contents but it was freeing non the less...i took out the bones from my closest. i'm looking forward to the future without my past holding me back. [ps and i just noticed the date today, & hopefully i will be able to not think of this when this date comes up in the future, but what a signifagance. how many things can change in five years]

In On A Whim
Matt Wertz

I flew in on a whim
These wings won't take me home
New eyes for my blind
I found a home and a place so far from my own

But all good things come to an end
Still I don't wanna leave this place yet
It's just so funny as I look back
on this year

(Chorus)
But I haven't even left here
Still I miss your face
Standing right beside me here
Pull me in with your embrace

How fast the time burns
When you're trying to hold on
And how slowly it slips away
When you're not

So tell me again
How this friendship has to be
I'm trying to understand now
Some patience, and we'll see

(Chorus)
'Cause I haven't even left here
Still I miss your face
Standing right beside me here
Pull me in with your embrace

Have you ever looked so good to me?
Have you ever loved this way to me?

(Chorus)
Pull me in, pull me in, pull me in, pull me...in

lord knows how hard i've tried

so i've been listening to a lot of matt wertz lately--again--and my song of the moment is from his EP that i got when i ordered his new cd...except i can only find one site the has the lyrics and it's missing one of the words, and i'm not quite sure what it is either--yet!!

hollywood's makin a way through the land mines
and over the walls that'll build from my heart
it's taken some time but i finally realize
if you wanna finish then you'll have to start

oooh oooh oooh... oooh oooh oooh... oooh oooh oooh...
lord knows how hard i've tried

all weekend long the clock has been tickin
stealing away everything that we own
you followed me back to the places i've hidden
if we never try then we'll never know

oooh oooh oooh... oooh oooh oooh... oooh oooh oooh...
lord knows how hard i've tried

and if our time comes to an end
we will be fine again knowing that all these feelings were true
moments before we were kissing our goodbyes
you on the curb so we'd be eye to eye
the radio sang everything we were feeling
old ...?... is still on my mind

oooh oooh oooh... oooh oooh oooh... oooh oooh oooh...
lord knows how hard i've tried
oooh oooh oooh... oooh oooh oooh... oooh oooh oooh...
maybe it's not our time